Hi Space,In a twitch of an eye, the weekend has passed and back to camp again. It should be the time to cheer for the looming end, and start counting down to the number of book-ins left, but yet, my heart wrenched. I fear; i fear for the worst to come, and i know its coming. I am returning back to a familiar place, the place where i once called home, and the place where i once had fond memories not for its conditions, but because of the mates and the bonds i shared with them. But yet now when you ask me whether I do look forward to rejoining back in the fields, i am afraid its a staunch no.
Now i understand why bonds do fade over time, and relationships that were once considered iron-clad can be easily weaken by the factor of time. When one acclimatizes and sets into his 'new' comfort zone, the past just fades into memory and down the books of history. And i can't imagine what will happen in the future, when we start setting off from our once-shared home to pursue our own dreams and set foot onto our own different paths... will we still recognise each other as friends? Right now, even when i am making the effort to reconnect with some drifting friends, I begin to understand the harsh and stark truth that once bonds are broken, they are hard to reform especially since we have lost the common ground that once brought us together. But at least, i am one that believes that friendship should be treasured, since fate and destiny has allowed me to know this special group of people, instead of the other 7 billion people on the planet. No matter how hard it will be, putting in the effort to reconnect is vital.
Back to the topic of fear; i had one of the best guard duty sessions having heart-to-heart talk sessions with Jin Yang during prowling again, and really relish those times when we just sit down by the bed and talked through the night. We thrashed out anything under the sun, and were brutally honest with what we thought about things around us - whether is it the army as an increasingly corporate-like organisation, rather than its inherent role as our nation's first line of defence, or is it about the much-prized overseas education that everyone seems to be fighting for. That also further highlights how having a good mate can transform a mundane activity such as walking rounds around the vehicle such an enriching and memorable one.
The month of August has never been anyway smooth-sailing for me. I struggled through most of the weeks, and i only hope and pray that the last week of August can just zoom past and may time transport me to ORD soon. However from now till ORD, my fate remains unclear.
The only thing to fear is fear itself - last week, i finally felt once again how shit can just make your life upside down. What i need is the courage to embrace anything that comes along the way...